I loved you so much I ended up losing myself; waking up after 3 years, realizing I’m not where & who I want to be.. it changed me.
I became my #1 priority; could you call me selfish? I want to build my own life and future, can you say I’m too self-focused? What’s wrong in trying to be independent as fuck?
It all could’ve happened next to you, but you didn’t love me like this anymore. I lost my kindness, it disgusted you; was I not kind to you? I was tired of people screwing me over and over again; I was tired of forgiving when forgiveness wasn’t asked, of accepting apologies that were never said to me.
I told you I’m ready to fuck back when I feel fucked, and since then I wasn’t the same in your eyes.
I’m sorry not sorry babe; I’m really sorry you ended up dissapointed in me, but I need to be this woman. You know how many plans I have; how many ideas I wanna bring to life. You know better than anyone I have an empire to build; what can I do if my brain & soul told me to work on myself first?
Reasons don’t matter anymore, anyway.
I don’t want you out of my life, but how can I talk to you? It’s that awkward, uncomfortable stage that only time can heal. Will time heal us ? At one point in this life, will we be able to call ourselves ‘friends’?
So many questions.
I know you’re reading this right now, and all I have left to say is Thank You; because you were my pillar; because you saw me at my worst and you stayed; for raising my standards in men. Thank you for giving me the chance to say, for once, ‘This one time, I had an amazing guy’.Thank you for giving me this amazing life experience and thank you for showing me another type of love; the selfless one.
I truly hope you’re coping with this well, and I truly hope you’re not choosing or doing anything that’s below you.
Make sure she knows that you like the fries soft in the middle and crunchy on the outside; that you fall asleep instantly if someone massages your forehead; that you like monochrome outfits in different tones of the same shade and that TecniArt is the most brilliant hairwax you’ve ecountered so far. Make sure she remembers you like to be petted on your beard and that you can’t eat too much chocolate or too many eggs.
We had the love, but the timing was wrong. If we were 5 years older things would be different. Again, love was not enough, but -for me- it was a life lesson.
I wish you health and happiness. I wish us peace.
We will always have the memories.